July 17th, 2014
The elusive dream of business success captures the imagination of aspiring and existing business employees everywhere. A vision of flowing profits, industry respect, thrilled customers, and a balanced life. This vision is only possible by developing habits that drive business success. Take the time to learn the 7 habits of business success.
1. Structure Your Day Around Success
In the morning I purchase and consume $20 worth of stimulant beverages, and then in the evening I purchase and consume $20 worth of depressant beverages. Your body is a machine, and it’s important to give it cues to learn how and when to “get down to business.” Regulation of your involuntary cycles and networks will directly and immediately benefit all aspects of your professional and social life.
2. Work To Your Strengths
Each day I wake up on a filthy mattress in the middle of some kind of large, darkened sub-basement, chained to the floor, disoriented by the deafening clatter of indeterminate machinery and the regular blasts of hot steam from the vents above. Hidden loudspeakers assault me with klaxons, Eastern European voices intoning angrily, Orwellian to the point of parody, and rough demos from somebody’s industrial project. Faceless shrouded figures move about in the distance.
3. Develop A System of Rewards For Goal-Oriented Behavior
Mounds of paperwork covered with indecipherable ranting regarding the demands of some supposed “clients” accumulate on all available floor space. Finding an innovative, scalable solution to a client’s problem will earn me a flavor pellet and a small plastic capsule containing a key with a one in five hundred thousand chance of unlocking one of my leg shackles. Needless to say, with these incentives in place, pleasing the customer is always at the forefront of my mind!
4. Adaptability Is Key
At random intervals throughout the workday, I am beaten mercilessly by my faceless, inhuman tormentors, who have once again managed to surround me without my notice, absorbed such as I am in my work. The manner of implement they use to pummel my back and thighs is always a complete surprise to me: usually innocuous household objects – plungers, toothbrushes, rolled up newspapers, disposable silverware, wicker baskets, light-up yo-yos, sacks of rotting onions. The ability to be beaten with a wide variety of unexpected tools and devices is essential in today’s competitive business market.
5. Don’t Forget To Take Time For Yourself
On Friday afternoons I am presented with the illusion of escape from my captivity. A cool breeze from a previously unseen floor vent with a loose grate promises underground salvation, or the fumes and chaos of a staged chemical spill allow me to slip away – I am intended to believe – unnoticed. Trembling with excitement and terror at the prospect of my freedom, it soon becomes apparent that I have been dosed against my will with a Herculean portion of PCP, yet again, and my life becomes confusing and obscure for the next 28-32 hours. At the point that my consciousness lurches back into focus, I am seated at the bar of a crowded neighborhood tavern, mid-beer, which is of course actually a set piece within my subterranean prison, constructed by my captors, populated with actors. Monday morning and my return to the filthy mattress- and steam burst- and paperwork-filled room is as depressing as it is inevitable.
6. Lunch Is The Most Important Meal Of The Business Day
7. Escape Is Impossible
The sooner you accept your fate, the sooner you can learn to find contentment inside its excruciating confines. Determine the rules and outlines of your torment in order to navigate efficiently within them, but understand that these rules may never be challenged. Escape is impossible.
Learning and instilling new habits in your daily business life can have a dramatic effect on your level of success. Review each of the 7 habits. Choose one habit to focus on for a month or until you achieve mastery. Gradually incorporate each of the 7 habits of business success into your life and attain your business dreams.
July 14th, 2014
Guess I should go back and redraw/fix stuff on the first couple pages to maintain continuity or whatever, make the guy’s face look the same before I figured out how he should look. It wasn’t supposed to be a ‘story’ when it started, just a quick gag, but people seem to like it. Thanks
July 7th, 2014
June 28th, 2014
first part here
June 21st, 2014
June 16th, 2014
June 12th, 2014
June 5th, 2014
May 15th, 2014
I don’t know why… I guess they’re probably ripping off Michael Deforge or somebody, I just started drawing them and will continue maybe when my hands are un-fucked up if that ever happens. I want to make like an all screenprinted zine of them, with multiple colors and etc…
I’m going to be gone until June and then I’ll put some new stuff in the “store”
April 29th, 2014